Week 6

Davenport vs. Allen

Team Davenport

The bad boys of BRAAS flag football are back in the win column after week 6. 

Team Allen started off with the pigskin. A few short plays and a boat load of missed flags lead to an eventual scamper down the field by CT Taylor for the first score of the game. TA goes for two immediately to establish their dominance over Team Hammies. Pevey scrambles for 60 seconds before making a perfect throw to diving receiver at the sideline for a successful try. High rollers took the ball and worked down the field efficiently. Drive ended with a dime from Patty Ice to Ki$h. TD goes for one on the PAT and in successful for the first time in two weeks. Pevey and crew look to put an another score on the board before half time. TA starts the drive with a little trickery. A lateral to CT who sets his feet a launches a duck down the field. Ki$h was able to knock it down but unable to pull in the INT. They drive the ball down the field. TD was able to have red zone stand with a few key stops and sack by Davenport. High rollers take over with under 30 seconds to go. Towles draws up a play to send Arcement and Davenport deep. 

“Run as fast as you can and I’m going to throw it as far as I can” -Towles 

The ball is snapped and Davenport and Arcement tear down the field only to look back and realize that Towles had checked down to The Glove for a 7 yd gain….what a waste! 

Halftime 7-8

TD gets the ball to start the second half. New drive same story. TD works the ball down the field and Patty Ice finds Arcemoney in the end zone. TD goes for 1 again and gets it. TA tries to get things back on track but a tipped ball ends up in the hands of Ki$h a mere second before CT demolishes Ki$h and the ball falls to the ground….heads up play by CT. They were eventually able to get things rolling and more missed flags allowed TA to score and retake the lead 14-15. TD learned a lesson from BooNcrew last week and ran the clock out to 7 plays. Admittedly, the high rollers still need to perfect the clock/play management as Patty Ice hooked up with the young gun Kenny “I’m always open” Carr. Kenny was heard after the game saying his goodbyes to everyone as he was waiting the inevitable call from his agent. TD goes for 1 on PAT but the pass was broken up by Capt Allen. Pevey tries to dust off his MVP and championship trophies for a little bit of magic, but the pressure from Ronnie “The Rocket” Johnson caused an errant throw. Ki$h was able to haul this INT in and graciously pitched it to Arcemoney for the assisted pick 6. 26-15 Final. 

High Rollers finally were able to make it through a week with all hammies intact. 

Shout out to the Twin Peaks crew on draft night for all betting the under…..Freaking candy from a baby!

Team Allen

The 15-26 score doesn’t tell the full story of Team Allen and Team Davenport in Week 6. Team Allen had Davenport on the ropes but couldn’t deliver the final jab.

CT Taylor lit the field up early, snagging a slant pass and darting for a touchdown in just three plays, followed by a Pevey-to-Allen two-point conversion that had Davenport’s defense checking their pulses. Davenport fired back with a score, and while Team Allen marched down the field before halftime, a brick-wall goal-line stand at the 5 by Davenport kept Team Allen out of the endzone and swung the momentum.

Davenport opened the second half with a touchdown, but Pevey answered, connecting with Allen for a TD to keep things tight and take the lead. Team Allen’s defense, though, couldn’t lock it down, and a late interception paved the way for Davenport’s garbage-time TD to pad the score.

Aillet vs. Pogue

Team Aillet

We fixed what Team Allen Ruined: No winning streak for Team Pogue. We’ll let him tell you all about it.

Team Pogue

Team Pogue and their legions of adoring fans spent the week celebrating their resounding victory over Team Allen. The week was filled with quantities of wine, women and song that would have made a hedonist blush. Unfortunately, not all of Team Pogue made it out of the revelry unscathed as Mad Dog Marschall, Game Plan Schexnayder and Miguel the Restauranter were unavailable to participate in Monday’s clash with Team Aillet. Adult Beverage was concerned that the Restauranteur was being held by ICE; however, he was simply too hung over to make it to the game.

Team Pogue received the opening kickoff, and the drive began with short plays to test the defense. All State Pratt noticed the Team Aillet was not paying Beav the proper respect and dialed up a smash route. Beav made them pay for their transgressions and effortlessly slid behind the defense catching a 45-yard touchdown strike. The good times rolled on and Team Pogue reveled in a 6-0 lead.

The Team Aillet offense is led by Matt “The Good Walker” and three receivers who are not worthy of nicknames. To be candid, I don’t remember how they scored their touchdown, but they had a 7-6 lead after the drive ended.

We took back over on offense and began a drive that managed to milk the clock until 2 minutes remained in the half. All State Pratt scrambled into the endzone for rushing touchdown; however, we failed to convert the extra point (again). Momentum remained on our side as we took a 12-7 lead with approximately a minute and a half remaining.

Team Aillet took over on offense and made a quick first down; however, they were held for no gain on the next two plays as The Good Walker made an accurate pass to the hash mark for an incompletion and had a pass broken up by Andrew Freeman. Team Pogue was on the verge of a massive stop, and it couldn’t have come at a better time and it looked like we would go to halftime with a 12-7 lead. On third down, The Good Walker completed a five-yard pass to Tyler Pecue and our defense converged on Pecue. It appeared we would limit them to a short gain; however, the flag football gods remembered that they hate our fucking guts. Pecue began his run for glory and after a few missed flag pulls, found paydirt. Fortunately, Captain Pogue deflected the extra point, and Team Aillet had a 13-12 lead at halftime.

Team Aillet opened the second half on offense and drove down the field to take a 19-13 lead. We answered with a methodical drive of our own and All State Pratt found Captain Pogue for the touchdown. We elected to go for 2 and attempt to tie the game. All State Pratt fired a pass to Wreck It Ralph, but the Aillet Defense stood tall and knocked the ball away for an incompletion.

Time was short and we needed a stop. The Good Walker was at his best and made tight throws to move his team down the field. They scored the clinching touchdown with a jump ball to Aillet, who made an outstanding catch over Fleming. The opposition had a 25-18 lead when we took over with 5 plays remaining. We fought until the last down, but our drive stalled out around the Aillet 30-yard line. A tough loss but next week we get to take on The Lobbyist and his team assembled from the island of misfit toys.

Kitto vs. Heine

Team Kitto

After team Heine took a 13-0 lead, Team Kitto decided to make a run with less than 5min left in the game. B. Kitto punched in the first score on a rushing touchdown. The game now down to 7 plays, Heine needed to burn plays and get a first down to end it.

Kitto’s defensive effort was highlighted by a couple outstanding plays. Matt Williams delivered a momentum-shifting sack on a 3rd and short.  Then on 4th down and 4 plays left in the game, our silver-haired long jumper Neal Grob executed a full-layout that denied a sure catch.

The comeback was alive!  Joe V. hauled in a beauty of a touchdown reception, tiptoeing a line straighter than the ones he usually asks people to walk during field sobriety tests — and the defense was left stumbling like they’d failed it. 

The 2 point conversion pass attempt for the win was denied when receiver J. Kitto was undeniably wrapped up by the defender. No flag. No justice. Just heartbreak.

Team Heine

First Half: The “Methodical” March (Because No One Can Run Fast Anyway)

Team Heine won the toss and immediately embarked on a drive so slow and deliberate it could’ve been mistaken for tortoise sex. QB Cole Garrett picked apart the defense with short, dad-friendly passes before finding Alex “PeeWee” Shields in the end zone for the game’s opening score. Josh Crowdus calmly converted the extra point, making it 7–0 and ensuring his Fitbit recorded at least one meaningful heart rate spike.

Team Kitto answered with a drive of their own, led by their fearless captain and QB Kitto, who apparently decided his arm was still 22 years old. Unfortunately, Brandon Deaton had other plans, jumping a pass at the goal line to end the drive and firmly establishing “Deaton Island” as a no-fly zone.

Halftime arrived with Heine holding a 7–0 lead — and both teams holding their lower backs.

Second Half: Deaton Island Expands

Team Kitto opened the second half right where they left off — throwing another interception to Deaton, who must’ve been running a buy-one-get-one special on picks. Deaton then tried to laterally pitch the ball to Steve Davis for a score, but unfortunately, it looked more like a forward shovel pass from a man whose brain said “NFL highlight” but whose body said “AARP newsletter.” TD called back.

Unfazed, Garrett hit Austin Heine for a touchdown to make it 13–0, and the dads on the sideline began mentally rehearsing their postgame brag texts.

But Kitto wasn’t done yet. Rumor has it, after two picks, the offensive strategy meeting went like this:

Kitto: “What if I just… stop throwing?”

Everyone else: “Yes. Please.”

Abandoning the pass entirely, Kitto relied on his “dynamic rushing ability,” which is generous phrasing for “ran around until the defense pulled something.” It worked — Kitto found the end zone and cut the lead to 13–7.

Final Act: The Clock Management Clinic (Sponsored by Bad Decisions)

With seven plays left, Team Heine had a chance to ice the game. The plan? Kneel twice, then convert a short first down. The execution? A sack on third down that looked like it came straight out of a blooper reel.

Team Kitto took over and quickly made things interesting. Neil Grob made a diving breakup on fourth down earlier to keep things close, but now Kitto had a chance to steal the win. Three plays later — touchdown. Chaos.

Kitto, smelling blood (and maybe Advil), went for two and the win. But after a false start pushed them back, the pass fell incomplete. Team Heine survives, 13–7, and the collective sigh of relief could be heard from the parking lot.

Postgame Notes:

  •   Brandon Deaton officially applied for federal recognition of Deaton Island as a restricted airspace.
  •   Cole Garrett’s clock management is now being studied by local middle schools as a “what not to do” case study.
  •   Kitto confirmed he’s “probably fine” after running for 48 total yards and approximately 3 miles worth of zigzags.
  •   MVP: Brandon Deaton (2 INTs, 1 called-back TD, and one bruised ego inflicted per quarter).

Levert vs. Navarre

Team Levert

Team levert rolled to a 27–14 victory that had everything—firepower, finesse, and just enough chaos to keep the referees off their phones.

Scott Alexander was dealing, tossing four touchdown passes. His chemistry with the receiving corps was electric—mainly because Nate Black found the end zone twice, reminding everyone why defensive backs lose sleep on Sunday nights.

Chris McKee added a smooth strike across the middle for six, punctuating it with what can only be described as a “business-casual” celebration—just enough swagger to let you know he meant it.

And when the game was teetering, Myles Buck decided to end the suspense. He ripped off a long touchdown that sealed the deal, waved goodbye to the secondary, and metaphorically dropped the mic somewhere near the goal line.

The defense? Absolute dogs. A monstrous fourth-down stand flipped the momentum and set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Final score: 27–14, but it felt like more.

Somewhere in the distance, a fan whispered, “That wasn’t flag football. That was poetry in motion”

Sent from my iPhone

Team Navarre

Read the Ancient Times and it will tell you the whole story.

May vs. Reed

Team May

Team May opened the game on defense and admittedly was a little flat when we realized reigning MVP Crader was not in attendance. Alex Anderson quickly woke us up as he easily marched them down the field with his arm and legs connecting with Rusty Secrist for a TD and we were down immediately. 6-0. 

TM picked up a few first downs to 45 and Jmart before Anderson intercepted Hebert to end the drive. 

A few plays later JMart intercepted a tipped pass thrown by Carter Reed to give us a chance to even the game up again and this time Hebert answered connecting with Zack West for a nice catch and run to set up a TD to JMart. 6-6. 

With only a few minutes remaining in the half the Reed/Anderson qb combo got them to around the 30 yard line and on the final play of the half Reed connected with Anderson on a Hail Mary that he managed leap up and catch between 2 TM defenders who will remain nameless. 12-6. 

The second half shifted momentum as Hebert walked us down the field again and iced the drive with a TD to Nic Morel. XP good. 13-12. 

Defense stayed tough in the second half for TM and we turned them over on downs. While running out the last few plays, Jmart caught one over the middle, dodged a flag pull and took it to the house. Inexplicably, no one on his team told him to stop and not score so that the game would be over. So we go up 20-12 but allowed them 2 finals plays. 

Fortunately, they didn’t get very far on those plays and TM took home the W. 

Solid contributions all around. We may have a center controversy when our big man returns.

Team Reed

Team Reed was without Bart Crader again and at the risk of letting Carter Reed QB again, Alex Anderson took the first drive at QB. Team Reed marched down the field and scored to make it 6-0. Team May was driving, but Kyle Hebert took a deep shot but Alex Anderson high pointed the ball to come down with the interception. Team Reed then put Carter Reed at QB and with the help of the triple option was driving down the field. To no one’s surprise, the drive ended abruptly as an unfortunate bounce led to an INT by Team May. Team May then drove down the field and scored to tie the game at 6. Team Reed got the ball with 1:45 in the half and drove down the field. With the final seconds ticking down, Reed launched a Hail Mary and once again Alex Anderson leaped high into the night and found a way into the end zone to put Team Reed up 12-6 at half. During the half, Team May was seen with a large dry erase board attempting to understand how the 2 QB system was driving down the field with ease against their usually stout defense. Whatever adjustments they made worked well enough, as they started the 2nd half with a TD and converted the extra point to take a 13-12 lead. Team Reed responded well and drove the ball inside the 10, but the Team May defense made the stop and took back possession with a chance to ice the game. Of note on the drive, Lucas Hahn put his body on the line on a 4th down catch where he fully extended out diving to make the catch. Team May got their 1st downs, but J-Mart took a break from arguing with Rookie of the Year runner up Corey Levey to house a 60 yard TD giving Team May a 20-12 lead, but also giving Team Reed 2 plays. After a short gain on 1st, Team Reed lined up for a Hail Mary, but turns out Zach West isn’t just a basketball player, as he capped off his night of torturing the QB by not allowing enough time for Reed to throw forcing an incompletion. Well earned W for Team May and a good effort from Team Reed in spite of having Coogan’s favorite QB at the helm.

 

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