Week 5 

Navarre vs Davenport

Team Davenport

The curse lives on for another season. The high rollers wanted a shot at a chance to break it, but Honey Boo-boo and crew had other plans.

TD started with the ball on the opening drive. The drive bumbled and stumbled down the field before we stalled out and turned the ball over on downs at the opponent’s 20 yd line. Leapart takes over and strings together  8 yd play after 8 yd play until they reached pay dirt. 

TD’s 2nd drive got to a slow start, but then the usual happened. Patty Ice, bomb, Arcemony, tuddy! Missed PAT. 6-7  BooNcrew take possession looking to score before half time. Leap tries to thread the needle on a pass, but the young gun turned grandpa (congrats!), Sean Neil, made a leaping interception and he started to barrel towards the endzone. He juked and jived down to the 1 yd line, but the turf monster reached up and ripped out his hamstring. Patty Ice finds Ki$h on the next play for the tuddy. TD goes for two and comes up empty. 12-7 

Halftime

BooNcrew started with the ball in the second half and once again orchestrated a drive that Team Hammies had no answer for. They go empty on the PAT thanks to a pass break up by Arcemoney. 12-13

Team Hammies was able to answer back with a long sustained drive. Patty Ice throws another dime past a diving Bickham into the hands of Davenport. Davenport blazes past Honey boo boo for the TD. Hammies go for two again, no good. 18-13. BooNcrew managed the clock perfectly. They took it down to seven plays. TD had them at fourth and inches twice, but BooNcrew scored on the 7th play to hand the High Rollers their first loss of the season. 17-18 Final.

Team Navarre

This one was a classic back-and-forth battle that came down to the very last play of the game.

Team Davenport opened with the ball, driving deep into Navarre territory before turning it over on downs inside the TN 15-yard line. Jason Leaphart quickly capitalized, leading Team Navarre down the field with sharp passing and punching in the game’s first touchdown. Davenport responded with a drive of their own, but a missed extra point kept the score close.

Right before halftime, Leaphart was picked off by Sean Neil and injured on the return. Davenport quarterback Towles made them pay, connecting for a touchdown that gave TD a 12-7 lead at the break.

The second half was just as tight. Navarre struck first, only for Towles to answer back with a touchdown pass to Will Arcemant. With under six minutes left, Navarre methodically marched down the field, draining the clock. On the game’s final play, Leaphart found Boo-Boo in the end zone for the walk-off score, sealing a dramatic 20-18 victory for Team Navarre. Leaphart ended with 3 TD passes, Boo-boo 1 TD, Boozie 1 TD, and Austin Fontenot 1 TD.

Aillet vs May

Team May

Team May was nearly stopped on its opening drive by ANOTHER inadvertent whistle, but managed to convert the following 4th down play. 

Side bar: How TF are there at least 2 inadvertent whistles EVERY SINGLE WEEK?!? It’s unreal. We’ve had at least 1 in 4 out of our 5 games, I believe. This is not the NFL, there is absolutely no need for these jabroni refs to have a whistle in their mouth DURING the play. To be honest, they don’t even need whistles at all because they rarely if ever make a single call.  /rant

Shortly after the 4th down conversion, Hebert and 45 ran an option play resulting in 45 going up the sidelines and into the end zone to make the game 7-0. Could have been 14-0, but TM captain can’t catch… so 7-0. 

TM defense was strong yet again this week, led by the rush from Zack West and tight coverage from JMart and Blake Taylor resulting in several deflected passes by each of them. 7-0 at half. 

Team Aillet was able to get into the endzone early in the second half on a TD from Matt Walker to an obviously hobbled Aillet. 7-6. 

Hebert threw a few short passes to West and Jmart to start the drive before finding 45 again for a short throw that turned into a long TD. Somehow 45 pulled off the slowest spin move in history, but Jimmy Sandridge, clearly distracted by talking trash to every person on the field, managed to miss his flags. 13-6

TA had one last drive that they got to about the 20 yard line before Corey Levey managed to intercept a pass and seal the victory. 

Team Aillet

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet since I know Pogue is going to write a 5,000-word essay about his first win during either of the two Trump administrations.

One of the two big Battles of the QBs turned out to be all about the defenses as Team May defeated Team Aillet 13-6 this week. The game had two major highlights from Brett May: the first a long TD run after a lateral from Kyle Hebert where Brett cleverly took advantage of having no left sideline official on to hide out of bounds until Hebert lateraled it, running to the endzone while every single member of Team Aillet pointed out the move to Reggie, who was ~95 yards away but insists it was legit. The second was 45 getting called for the rare “your flag is up your crack so the play is dead,” which was definitely not a cover for the second inadvertent whistle of the first half.

Team Aillet got the ball up and down the field all night, but just couldn’t punch it in enough when it mattered. Another narrow day but we’re still on track to make the playoffs. This week’s only game ball goes to Joe Pursiful, who prevented ending the game on a pick-6 by chasing down Corey “Cheetah” Levey, despite Levey having a 20 yard head start and 20 fewer years of wear and tear on his joints. Pressure is on us next week to prevent Pogue’s first ever win streak.

Reed vs Kitto

Team Reed

Nothing from Captain Reed after the first win of the season. 

Team Kitto

Team is a mess 

Heine vs Levert


Team Heine

Nothing 

Team Levert

Nothing

Pogue vs Allen

Team Pogue

America loves an underdog. It’s ingrained in our psyche because we told an empire upon which the sun never set to go fuck itself. No great deed is accomplished without facing adversity and triumphing despite long odds. We kicked the shit out of the British, The Germans, The Japanese and those dirty commie bastards from Russia. Team Pogue has faced its share of adversity this season. A devastating injury to Andrew Fleming. The absence of All State Pratt. Crushing losses to dastardly opponents and the ridicule of the fake news media at The Ancient Times. It’s with these things in mind that Team Pogue entered this week’s contest with Team Allen.

Team Allen received the opening kickoff and were led into battle with fearless leader, Brad “District MVP” Peavy. District MVP is a 17-time BRAAS Flag Football Champion and had to remodel his home to accommodate the trophies earned from his winning ways. He proceeded to relentlessly march is team down the field and connected with the Josh “Fill-In” Crowdus for the opening touchdown. Their extra pointed attempt failed; however, Team Pogue found itself in an early hole.

No strangers to playing from behind, Team Pogue mounted an effective drive of their own. All State Pratt connected with multiple receivers for consistent gains. The drive was capped with a screen pass to Hood, aka The Immovable Object, who danced into the endzone untouched. Team Pogue converted the PAT on a leaping catch by Mad Dog Marschall in the back of the endzone. With a commanding 7-6 lead, Team Allen took over on offense.

Team Pogue was able to capitalize on their newfound momentum and limited Team Allen to minor gains. It was not long before the defensive terror and newly nicknamed, Wreck It Ralph, forced District MVP into an errant throw which was tipped by his wide receiver. The tipped ball was intercepted by a man with a nickname so good that his real name has faded into legend. Beav caught the ball and head up field for a big gain.

After taking over on offense, we moved the ball downfield but needed to make a big play to extend our lead. The football gods kindly rewarded us when All State Pratt channeled his inner Johnny Manziel. He was relentlessly pressured by District MVP; however, managed to avoid a sure sack by running circles in the backfield. His dazzling moves entranced the opposing defense who lost track of Captain Pogue. Captain Pogue waited patiently in the endzone for All State to stop fucking around with the District MVP and throw him the ball. Four minutes later, All State found him in the endzone for a touchdown. The extra point failed; however, Team Pogue went into halftime with a 13-6 lead.

We received the kickoff to open the second half, and All State moved the ball by scrambling for yards and completing passes to Beav, Adult Beverage and Mad Dog. This drive featured a new receiver getting in on the action as Andrew Fleming, recently returned from a 6-week sabbatical. Fleming caught the pass and proceeded to slice and dice the defense for a 25-yard TD reception.  No one will be more pleased to read about Fleming’s outstanding contribution than his sponsor, the Iron Fist.  It is rumored that Fleming’s return to action was hastened by the Iron Fist threating to choke the life out of him if he did not return to play soon (doctor’s note not required).  All State completed a pass to Captain Pogue in the back of the endzone and we held onto a 20-6 lead.

I’m sure everyone will be totally shocked to hear that at this point, Team Pogue lost focus and District MVP made them pay for their lapse. He drove the team down the field in short order and found Fill In for his second touchdown of the day. They converted the two-point conversion and cut the lead to six.

With five minutes left in the game, we needed to milk the clock and take one last trip to the endzone. On the third play of the drive, All State Found Captain Pogue for a long TD that put the game out of reach. Team Pogue entered the promised land with a 27-14 victory. Nothing tastes sweeter than victory. Lock your doors and bar your shutters because we will be looking for more next week.

Team Allen

Nobody showed up for the game and nobody does a write-up.

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