Heine vs Navarre

Team Heine:

In what can only be described as the most dramatic Monday-night clash since “The Bachelor” season finale, Team Heine battled their way to an 18-14 victory over Team Navarre, despite being without their usual QB, Joel “I Have Work, Totally Not Afraid of Leaphart” Davis.

With Joel conveniently “busy,” Cole Garrett took over at quarterback and immediately made himself at home, leading an opening drive that ended with a crisp touchdown pass to rookie Josh Crowdus. Unfortunately, the extra point fell short, setting the tone for Team Heine’s ongoing romance with failure on conversion plays.

Team Navarre answered with a marathon, clock-draining drive that could’ve been mistaken for a leisurely Sunday stroll. They punched it in and converted the XP to take a 7-6 lead, leaving Team Heine’s sideline muttering words not fit for a church picnic.

A promising two-minute drill before halftime fizzled, mainly because both timeouts and Garrett’s arm are finite, sending the teams to the half with Navarre still up.

Team Navarre looked ready to take control to start the second half — until Leaphart tested the rookie. That’s when Crowdus channeled his inner prime-time Deion Sanders, skying for a back-of-the-endzone interception that flipped momentum and possibly Leaphart’s confidence.

Riding that energy, Garrett marched the squad downfield again, this time hitting rookie Alex “PeeWee” Shields, who ripped the ball away from his defender like he was repossessing a car. But the extra point was botched when Steve Davis dropped a perfectly good pass off his forehead, proving that hands are still optional equipment in flag football.

With the game slipping away, Leaphart orchestrated a heroic final drive, capping it with a touchdown as the clock expired, then hitting the extra point for a 14-12 Navarre lead. The crowd smelled heartbreak.

But Garrett wasn’t done. With seven plays to win, he only needed six, dropping a dime to Crowdus, who made a diving, highlight-reel grab that will absolutely be overhyped in group chat for weeks. Predictably, the XP failed. 

Navarre had one last shot, stringing together a series of frantic laterals and wild pitches. Just as it looked like chaos might turn into a miracle, Jonathan Menck made the game-saving flag pull, sealing the 18-14 victory and earning himself a lifetime supply of “atta boys.”

Joel Davis conveniently finished “working” in time to show up for celebratory beers and to reaffirm that he absolutely was not absent because he’s scared of Leaphart.”

Team Navarre:

It was a battle from start to finish as Team Heine narrowly held off Team Navarre in a thrilling 18–14 matchup that had plenty of big plays and just enough controversy to keep the sidelines buzzing.

Heine opened the game with a marathon drive — what felt like a 45-minute possession  that ended with Crowdus hauling in a touchdown to take an early lead and control the clock

Team Navarre responded before halftime, with Leap connecting with BooBoo on a laser of a touchdown pass to even things up. BooBoo made a strong grab in traffic, showing great hands and focus

The second half opened with promise for Navarre as they marched down the field with poise. But the drive came to a sudden halt when Leap, under pressure, tried to throw the ball away — only to have it intercepted by Crowdus in a wild play that had everyone talking. Whether Crowdus had a foot in bounds or full control of the ball is still up for debate, but the refs ruled it a pick, and that shift in momentum proved costly for Navarre.

“Backup” QB Cole Garrett responded, driving the field once again and launching a beautiful deep pass to Broadmoor High alum PeeWee, who made a nice jump ball grab for a TD.

Leaphart continued his precision passing down the field capped off by an impressive scramble to the end zone.

Team Heine with 7 plays left ended up sealing the victory on a pass to Crowdus.

Davenport vs Aillet

Team Davenport:

Another day, another dollar

The train got out of the station early,  and didn’t really come to a stop until the end of the game. 

After going up early, the opposition set up a beautiful drive that ended in a lateral laden passing touchdown.  However, Team Davenport, led by Arcemoney, responded quickly to go up a score just before half. Perhaps the highlight of the day was maybe the oldest touchdown that we will see all year. Kenny “Speedy” Carr, the center, came through. Kenny, after the game, likened himself to Keyshawn Johnson, “I’m always open.” Followed by some key catches by Easley and Davenport and 28 points later, The High Rollers are 2-0 headed into the bye week.

#LetItRide  

Team Aillet:

Tough loss for Team Aillet this week as they simply they weren’t prepared to bring the physical toughness that Flag Football famously prohibits, losing to Team Davenport 28-14 on the score card and 10-1 in bruises delivered Monday night (shout out to Davenport, who delivered half the bruises from TD but also suffered the only one from TA, on a hilarious uncalled flag guard that I know bruised his three-point-shooting hand).

Team Towles (I mean Davenport) was as advertised. Towles and W. Arcement combined for 90% of the offense, Davenport demanded a quick slant in the red zone that he converted into a TD, and Kishan Shah perpetuated a new legend where missing an easy TD results in someone else scoring a TD immediately after. 

The true story of this game (aside from Davenport drafting ten rookies but only having like one help set up the field and saving the other nine bitch about calls during the game) was the play of TA center Mike Sumner, currently under investigation for shaving points in favor of the whiniest team you’ve ever seen and thus stripped of his title of “Good Sumner.” When asked for comment about this punishment from his self-awarded moniker, Mike said “thank god Danny and Scott can’t read.”

The Good Walker and Aillet share MVP of the week honors as it’s time to flush this one down and hit the weight room before a possible rematch in the playoffs. On to week 3!

May vs. Levert

Team May:

Coming off a rough week 1, Team May needed to get off to a good start and they did exactly that. Team Levert started conservative as 2019 Flag MVP, Scott Alexander, threw a few short passes to open the game before being sacked by Zack West. The sack must have given him PTSD that gave him a flashback to 2019 because shortly after he threw the ball directly to his 2019 teammate, Pres 45. Unfortunately for him, in 2025 they are not teammates. More on that in a bit.

Hebert took over for TM and after a few short passes to he connected with Corey Levey for the games first score.

Drive #2 for TL ended the same way as drive #1. This time a bobbled pass ended up in big Josh Robinson’s hands for an INT.

Hebert quickly got TM into the endzone again with a TD to May.

Drive #3 for TL. Same outcome. Another Alexander to 45 connection, INT. 

This time TLs defense slowed down TM, but on 4th down Hebert launched a deep ball for Levey. While running under it some could hear Levey already rehearsing his acceptance speech for Player of the Week, but unfortunately he was unable to bring it in and resulted in a turnover on downs.

Alexander finally connected with one of his own teammates and got TL on the board to end the half.

Hebert marched the team down the field once again with completions to KB43, Nic Morel, and Robinson. On 4th down inside the 10 Hebert once again looked for Levey and it once again ended in heart ache for the 2nd year WR. This time just before the ball got to him in the endzone Morel dove in front to snag the toe tap TD on the sidelines.

TL would answer with another score. But on the final drive, while running down the clock Hebert used his patented “spin cycle” escape and then showed his ballerina skills tip toeing down the sidelines and into the end zone to ice the game.

Final 26-13.

Props to the 7 man squad that had to play both ways the entire night including KB43 who after breaking up 2 passes on defense and catching several balls on offense was heard muttering “I’m never doing that shit again” after the game.

Team Levert:

In a tough matchup this week, Team Levert fell to Team May with a final score of 26-13.  Team Levert generously kicked off the game with an honorary gift to our esteemed President May (2 interceptions), and a 3rd one by Robinson to ensure we stay in the President’s good graces for the remainder of his term.  Our QB did fight back with a TD pass to Levert to end the half and another to Rutland in the 2nd half.  The Team Levert defense struggled with Hebert all night and is still trying to figure out how KB was so wide open. 

Kitto vs Pogue

Team Kitto:

Team Kitto earned the week 2 victory over Team Pogue. Joe V led a balanced offensive attack, methodically marching down the field twice in this game. Both td passes from Joe V were pulled down by 44 Ourso. Team Kitto’s defense played tough all game and made big plays when needed to shut down drives and deny shots to the end zone in crunch time. Team Kitto improves to 1-1 and looks forward to the week 3 matchup with Team May.

Team Pogue:

In this week’s edition of bad things that happen to good people, Team Pogue squared off with Team Kitto. Team Pogue entered the game down a man as rookie receiver, Andrew Franklin, injured his calf and became a member of the walking wounded. We were confident that we would come out on top despite the headwinds.

Team Kitto deferred to the second half and All State Pratt calmly led his troops into the fray. Pratt completed passes to Beav, Pogue and Adult Beverage to move the team into scoring position. The team punched the ball in for six when All State rolled right hitting Beav at the pylon for the opening touchdown. For the PAT, our fearless leader diagramed a play with misdirection that intended to confuse the defense. All State completed the pass to Derek Hood; but, to everyone’s surprise, Hood was stopped short of the goal line.

Team Kitto responded by amping up the physicality on their opening drive. Their possession began with a play called “Kill Beav”. The play was straight forward as Joe V would throw the ball to John “Rookie” Kitto, who would then kill Beav. You may question why Team Kitto would want poor Beav to die and the answer is straight forward. Beav is the only member of Team Pogue that can find the endzone and his death would greatly impair our ability to muster any offense. Anyway, Rookie Kitto caught the ball and promptly flattened Beav. Fortunately, Beav survived the assassination attempt, and Team Kitto only managed a short gain. On the next play, Joe V went deep to Ben “Veteran” Kitto. Veteran Kitto tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground setting up what should have been an easy pass break up. Unfortunately, Maximum Effort Crain batted the ball down into Veteran Kitto’s chest resulting in a large for the opposition. This play was followed with several short gains before Joe V found 44 in the endzone for a touchdown. They converted the extra point and went into halftime with a 7-6 lead.

Team Kitto received the received the kickoff to start the second half. They wasted little in trying to make a big play. Joe V lofted a pass downfield to Veteran Kitto; however, Captain Pogue was in coverage and had not forgotten the attempt on Beav’s life. While attempting to break up the pass, Veteran Kitto’s life flashed before his eyes as Captain Pogue punched him in the face. The opportunity for retribution resulted an incomplete pass. Veteran Kitto shook off the vicious assault and returned to the huddle seemingly unphased. Several plays went by before Joe V worked a miracle. He took the snap and danced around in the backfield for an eternity before finding 44 for the go-ahead touchdown. 14-6 Team Kitto.

Team Pogue received the ball and the offense struggled to find momentum. Ultimately, we turned over downs setting up what appeared to be an uneventful ending to the game. It was in our darkest hour that a hero emerged to save us from ourselves. Trevor “Game Plan” Schexnayder made a huge interception to breathe new life into the game (or perhaps prolong the agony).

All State Pratt targeted the usual suspects and scrambled for yards to drive team Pogue to the redzone. We entered the final seven plays and looked to tie the game. The first down resulted in an incomplete pass. Second down involved All State Pratt completing a pass to Hood. Hood capitalized on his moment for glory and began rumbling toward the endzone. Hood’s motto of “no brakes just straight fucking gas” was on full display and a collision ensued that resembled two bowling balls crashing against each other in the return basket of All Star Lanes. Hood was unbothered by the incident; however, his victim could be heard asking for the license plate of the 18-wheeler that ran him over. Third down was equally eventful. All State Pratt was flushed pocked and chased Matt “Handful” Williams. Handful overzealously pursued our quarterback and decided to punch him in the balls to thwart his progress. Unsurprisingly, a flag was not thrown on the play, but the Ref did recommend that sexual assault charges be filed after the game. Our final play was an incomplete pass in the endzone. Another crushing defeat for Team Pogue. The season is young, and we have faith that Ws are in our future.

Allen vs Reed

Team Allen:

Bart opened with his signature bomb for an easy TD, followed by young Deselle picking off a Pevey-to-Allen pass… and after lengthy heated discussions, neither thought they did anything wrong on the play at all. Bart throws another bomb to stretch the lead to two scores.

Pevey responded methodically, finding Box wide open in the end zone to narrow the gap. Starting the second half with the ball, he churned out another drive, capped by Pittman’s grab in the back corner, then nailed a 2-pointer to sneak ahead 14-13.

Bart, unfazed, bombed again for a TD and conversion, reclaiming a 20-13 edge. Pevey struck back with precise timing, including CT selflessly downing the ball on 1-yard to manage the clock, followed by a tush-push run-in to tie at 20, then flipped the script with an option pitch to CT for the lead.

Down to the wire, Team Allen’s one job: no more bombs from Bart. They bent but didn’t break, draining the clock and plays before Allen snagged a game-sealing pick. First win for Team Allen, great game by all.

Team Reed:

There’s an old proverb that says “The largest improvement on any football team is from week 1 to week 2.”

In a highly anticipated return to the field for QB Bart Crader (or maybe just a highly anticipated benching of the week 1 QB), Team Reed looked like they were certain to prove that true with the way they started the first half. Coming off a Football MVP award that he wasn’t cool enough to receive in-person, Crader led Team Reed seamlessly down the field on the opening drive, capped with a TD pass to the team captain Red-Head Tom Brady himself. The defense then got to work, quickly getting the ball back from Team Allen with a Tyler Deselle INT of Brad Pevey. Drive number two was just as effortless, Crader spreading the ball out to multiple targets, ending in an Alex Anderson TD reception. Captain was right, the Greatest Show on Turf had returned.

Team Allen’s second drive foreshadowed what would be the pace of the rest of the game, bleeding out all but a minute of the 1st half with a TD of their own to narrow their halftime deficit 13-8. With that same slow, methodical, mind-numbing pace of play, Team Reed was lulled into a slumber to open the second half before a speedy CT Taylor would get the ball in motion for a big gain, setting up a short TD finish for a 14-13 lead. Unphased, Crader and Co. marched right down the field for a 3rd TD pass and a 20-14 lead. Rusty Secrist came out of retirement as well as the backfield for multiple targets, including the blast-from-the-past TD scamper to put Team Reed back in command.

Team Allen started another drive yet again with what looked to be the goal of milking the clock, knowing they’d have 7 plays at the end. In a strategic surprise, QB Pevey launched deep down the sideline to Ryan Allen for a monster catch to set up an eventual go ahead TD, 21-20. Despite now trailing, Team Reed got the ball back with a massive air of confidence. The only thing having stopped them until that point was the halftime whistle and some soccer-level time wasting. Unfortunately, Team Reed would manifest another old proverb, that “Pride goeth before the Fall.” After driving nearly the length of the field in only 4 plays, play 5 ended with a game-sealing interception.

Team Reed has voted that the old proverbs are stupid.

 

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